We all know that horrible moment of panic or terror, especially before speaking in public. It feels like our brain shuts down completely, the words we need to remember feel like they will never come and we will never make it through the oncoming train wreck of just saying what we have to say, no matter how big or small our audience is.

There is a solution and it is as close as your breath. In fact, it is your breath!

In both my professional speaking coaching and inspirational new book, Words to Thrive By: Powerful Stories of Courage and Hope, I give lots of examples about how to improve your health and overall well being through meditation, visualization, belief in yourself, taking risks of courage, reframing your experience so it moves from tragedy to triumph.

So here’s another breathing exercise tip that will help you not only in your life but also in your work, whether it is a momentary anxiety or when your anxiety looms over you when have that huge presentation, “Do or Die,” “Winner take all,” “Everything on the line” kind of moment.

So how do we learn how to relax and use our breathing in order to accomplish that?  The good news is everyone can do it and it’s not as hard as it may feel to you right at this particular moment.

On the one hand, according to Biing-Jiun Shen, Ph.D., a clinical/health psychology professor at Ohio University in Athens, “Almost every person experiences anxiety periodically and this can be beneficial. An occasional burst of anxiety can help you respond effectively to life’s challenges.” This is what I would consider a healthy moment of anxiety, meant to get you through a short period of time.

On the other hand, we also now know that prolonged anxiety can seriously undermine your health and contribute to all kinds of diseases from cancer to complete physical and mental breakdown.

Julie L. Pike, Ph.D. who is a psychologist at the Anxiety Disorders Treatment Center in Durham N.C. says, “We know that what happens in the mind affects the body, but carefully controlled studies are being published now that show a harmful connection between anxiety and physical health…In other words, this is an intuitive belief that is now shown by (published) research.”

So here’s another breathing exercise tip that will help you not only in your life but also in your work, whether it is a momentary anxiety or when your anxiety looms over you when have that huge presentation, “Do or Die,” “Winner take all,” “Everything on the line” kind of moment.

FOUR SQUARE BREATHING- 

“When you’re anxious it takes a little while for the brain to get the message that it’s safe to calm down.”

First of all I want to extend my thanks to thanks to Julie L Pike, Ph.D. for sharing this breathing technique in the American Heart Association magazine, “Heart Insight.” We all know it’s a viscious cycle: During bouts of anxiety, your breathing can get faster and shallower, leading to feelings of even greater panic as your body struggles to get enough air. But if you slow down your breathing, you’re halfway to feeling calm. Pike advocates so-called four-square breathing as an effective self-calming technique: I have practiced and tested it and it really works for me.

Four Square Breathing:  

1. Breathe in through your nose for four seconds.

2. Hold that breath for four seconds.

3. Exhale for four seconds.

4. Pause for four seconds before starting the next breaths.

Pike suggests doing a set of at least 10 breaths.

Pike also says from experience, “When you’re anxious it takes a little while for the brain to get the message that it’s safe to calm down.”

So give it a try and let me know how it goes for you. I hope it helps being a little peace and calm into your life.

 

 

Well it’s another year. 2012. By now, any of us who do the New Year’s Resolution thing, have made and probably already broken, at least one or more of our New Years Resolutions. I have some questions about this New Year’s Resolution thing.

My first question is: Why do we do this to ourselves?

Our New Years Resolutions of any year seem to always become just one more thing that we beat ourselves up for, sometimes for the entire year running. Why do we even make NYR’s knowing we are going to end up not only breaking them but also beating ourselves up on top of it?

My second question up for general consideration is: Are there any other options out there somewhere to take the place of NYR’s?

I believe there are other options.So now for your consideration, I propose to you, Dear Reader:

THE WORDS TO THRIVE BY” NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS PREP KIT

The “Words to Thrive By” New Year’s Resolution Kit begins with how to look at both the previous year and the year to come with a new perspective. The ”Words to Thrive By” New Year’s Resolution Kit will hopefully  help us each find some New Year’s Resolutions we can even achieve for once in our lives.

Here are 4 questions for you to ponder for your life as you begin this new year:

1. What went RIGHT last year?

Yes you heard me: What went right last year? Now make a list of all the things you did that were really pretty darn good last year. This list doesn’t have to be the things that you did that were “perfect” or even “reasonable.” Those two lists would probably be pretty darn short in length.

I’m talking simple things. Smiling at a stranger. Helping someone out in some small way. Just being nice, maybe when you didn’t even feel like it. Maybe you made a good decision last year that darn it all, you’re proud of it. Maybe it’s something you did well, like get to yoga class on time for a change. Maybe you paid off your bills or got on a payment plan finally, after wondering what that experience would be like all these years.

So what is it for you? Think large and small not perfect or reasonable. Now write them down at the top of a piece of paper.

2. What do you have to FORGIVE yourself for?

Now make a list of what you feel you need to forgive yourself for. These would be the things you may have  said or done deliberately or even accidentally that you still feel bad about. Serious “my bad” stuff. Guilt feelings, whether huge or tiny, is what we’re talking about here. Add them to your list.

3. What would you like to LET GO of from last year?

Then we have all the other stuff we did or said last year that we’re still feeling embarrassed about or otherwise kicking ourselves for. This is one of those: ‘OMG! I cannot believe that I did that! I will NEVER live that down! EVER!’ experiences.

The first thing I want to say about these kinds of horrific experiences, those “full stop” moments, moments that perhaps now frequent your nightly dreams, (or should I say nightmares?), is that you are not alone. We all have ‘em. Sometimes throughout the entire year. All the little persnickety things that nag at you all the time, sometimes once in a while, sometimes day and night, can really wear you down.

No more. Today is the day you are gonna let at least one of ‘em go from last year.  Whatever it was, it’s over now. Done. You cannot go back in time, only forward. (OK, quantum physics or “wormhole” experts might argue with me on that one but…) Time to give it up.

Go ahead. Put it, whatever it was, on your list. Say out loud, ”I’m finally ready to let go of my incredible, idiotic, stupid, bizarre whatever….” Trust me. You can do this.

4. What can you imagine yourself looking FORWARD to in the New Year to come?

I would like to believe that together, we as the “Words to Thrive By Community,” could make a very long list of answers to this question. But if you get stuck, here’s want to do:

Close your eyes for a moment and ask yourself:

“What can I imagine myself looking FORWARD to in the New Year to come?”

Now, don’t panic. Don’t open your eyes. Don’t give up.  Just let your mind wander until you feel pulled or motivated from a new idea or image or vision for yourself doing or feeling something that may come to mind that you might enjoy.

A new hobby? Maybe you’ve have always wanted to learn how to quilt but have been putting it off and putting it off. Can you imagine yourself sitting in front of a sewing machine, surrounded with bright colored fabrics all around you and hearing the “Hummmmmm…” of the sewing machine in action?

Can you imagine it and see it? It could be a new work design in your mind or the yarn of a knitting project or a kit for a motorized model airplane or trip you’ve always wanted to take?

Whatever comes to you, write it down on your list. Don’t be afraid to allow your mind to wander for a few minutes until something comes to you.

So now you have your own personal WORDS TO THRIVE BY RESOLUTION LIST FOR 2012. 

Surprised? Did I just hear you say, “Huh?”

I know it’s not a long list of all the habits you want to break, or the ways you promise you’ll change or the somethings will never happen again. But no. This is a very different kind of list.

It’s a list filled with your imagination of possibilities you could look forward to: 

Dreams. Hopes. Possibilities. Fun. Adventures. Joys. Play. Love. Delights. Inspirations. Creations. Foods. Projects. Conversations. Coffees. Competitions.  Naps. Weekly Sports highlights.

Yup. that’s definitely different for a New Year’s Resolutions List.

So as we enter The New Year 2012, I wish for each of you, my Dear Readers:

The awareness of what went right last year.

The letting go of guilt. 

The letting go of shame.

The looking forward to the you who you’ve always known down deep inside. That would be the you who believes anything is possible, embraces their dreams, follows their heart and doesn’t give up. No way. No how.

Happy New Year. 2012. 

With warmest regards,

Mary Anne Dorward

 

 

 

 

I wanted to share this wonderful article from The Huffington Post.

How do you sum up what this year 2011 meant for women? It’s easy to think only of what needs to change and hasn’t, or of the really awful things that are being done to women around the world — this minute, in fact.

But plenty of things happened for women this year that are worth celebrating, too. Here are the 50 moments in 2011 that struck us as particularly important or astonishing or lovely. They include wins, memes, athletics, an inauguration, a birth, songs, dances, books, movies, speeches, and feats of precociousness. You probably won’t agree with all of our choices — so tell us in comments what we left out.

And whenever you need to be reminded what good company women are in, we hope you’ll return to this list. While 2011 wasn’t perfect, it certainly had its moments.

PHOTOS/VIDEOS: The 50 Best Moments For Women In 2011

The 50 Best Moments For Women In 2011

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/29/the-50-best-moments-for-w_n_1175695.html?ref=mostpopular

 

 

This photo is one I took in Key West, Florida. What is your first thought when you look at this man on a motorcycle, with a big paunch and the parrot on his head,  the American Flag fluttering behind him? Laughter? Judgement? Compassion? Pity? Admiration? Disgust? Joy?

I read Rigpa Glimpse of The Day (glimpse@rigpa.org) every day and it always gives me food for thought. I thought today’s glimpse of the day was particularly poignant and ever so relevant to The Holidays:

        “Compassion is a far greater and nobler thing than pity. Pity has its roots in        fear and carries a sense of arrogance and condescension, sometimes even a smug feeling of “I’m glad it’s not me.”

As Stephen Levine says: “When your fear touches someone’s pain it becomes pity; when your love touches someone’s pain, it becomes compassion.”

To train in compassion is to know that all beings are the same and suffer in similar ways, to honor all those who suffer, and to know that you are neither separate from nor superior to anyone.”

As Rigpa always says at the end of every post: “Remember The View.”

How have you observed Compassion and Pity showing up for you this Holiday Season?